


longing for you (not anymore)

by diabolic_deceiver



Series: enstars [3]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diabolic_deceiver/pseuds/diabolic_deceiver
Summary: pink camellias.he's really longing for him but he threw him away so there's no point om cling to such pointless emotions, right?





	longing for you (not anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> why do i even write such a crappy one-shot with 7.7k words a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a

      MIKA didn’t expected this at all. He knew how his heartbeat gets faster whenever Nazuna smiles, he knew how he felt like he's the happiest when he’s with the second-year but he never expected that this is going to happen to him. At first, he thought that he probably ate something wrong and tried to discuss it with Sagami-sensei but not totally confessing that he's the one that is suffering with this weird. But his teacher’s expression made him feel fear in all of the sudden.

“That’s the symptom of having Hanahaki disease, Kagehira-kun.” Sagami stated as he sighed, “Having that disease is such a risky one for idols, you know?”

“Hanahaki?” Mika asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“It’s a disease which made the person cough out flowers, flowers that have the same meaning of words that expresses their love. That disease is just for people with unrequited love,” Sagami explained before opening one of his books, “That disease can be cured by two ways, the first one is for your beloved one to love you back and the disease disappears without any trace. The second is too risky but it is the only way of curing yourself once that the person you love doesn’t love you the same way.”

“And what is that?” Mika asked.

“Getting a surgery to get the seeds out of your lungs, it’ll remove the disease and also your feelings and memories that made you love that person,” Sagami said before glancing at the heterochromatic-eyed male, “Kagehira, do you know someone that is currently suffering with it?”

“Not at all, Sagami-sensei. It’s just that.. I’ve read this book and it has a scene like that so I got curious about it.” Mika lied as he chuckled before waving at his teacher, “Thank you for telling me, sensei. I’ll go back to my class now.”

As Mika went out of the infirmary, his throat started to get itchy and he coughs, immediately covering his mouth as he can feel an another flower getting out of his mouth along with some petals. He immediately ran to the nearest restroom and closed a cubicle before coughing out again and again until he couldn’t, he looked at the flowers in horror before flushing them. This is going to be a tough one.

-

     IT was one of his secret lessons with Nazuna when he realized that he’s sick because of this ethereal upperclassman of his. That the feeling that was harbored in him is for Nazuna and he couldn’t help but be worried because there’s no way that Nazuna would love someone like him, he deserves better. Shu is a better person than him and Mika has been a witness of their chemistry — both of them looks like they’re made for each other. And Mika is just supposed to be one of the audience that will be happy for them. Because in the first place, he doesn’t belong in this. He doesn’t belong to be a part of their lives.

And as the days kept on passing by filled with part-time jobs, training, studying and also his secret lessons with Nazuna. The disease took a toll on his health, whenever he coughs, Shu glares at him and tells him to drink medicine and all that he can do is agree. Nazuna seems to be worried about his health too and he excuses himself by telling him that it’s getting colder, wishing that Nazuna would buy such a lame excuse. But whenever he smiles at him, the itch on his throat gets worse and he couldn’t do anything but to gulp down the flowers that are attempting to get out of his body.

Not now. That is what he thinks before excusing himself to the restroom and coughing it all out there as he lay down on the restroom for minutes, trying to regain his strength. At the time that he gets back to the practice room, Shu kept on glaring at him as he laughed nervously.

“Kagehira, you failure, what took you too long?!” Shu exclaimed, crossing his arms, “Being like that is unfitting as a Valkyrie member. Non!”

“Sorry, oshi-san.”

“Whatever. Let’s return back on the previous step, I want it to look magnificent. Now, now, back to your previous positions.” Shu immediately turned his back on him and Mika sighed in relief, not aware of Nazuna’s worried gaze towards him.

Mika kept on catching up during the rehearsal, making sure that he's doing his part-time jobs well and is also struggling on his studies. He’s doing everything to keep himself stable towards everything, he shouldn’t be a bother to Shu and Nazuna. Not now. Not when Tenshouin Eichi is trying to ruin every single unit in Yumenosaki and unfortunately, Valkyrie is one of his target. So being a burden right now isn’t the right time, he reminds himself on trying harder to supress this sickness.

Nazuna, on the other hand, can’t stop himself on worrying about the younger male. It’s been a while but Mika seems to be paler than the usual, he doesn’t eat as often as he did. It was also quite rare for him to be eating any kind of sweets, Nazuna offered him some lunch before but Mika didn’t ate anything at all— saying that he’s not hungry.

He also noticed how Mika seems to be in the restroom for a lot of times and whenever he gets out of it, he looks weaker. He wanted to talk to Mika about it but whenever he opens his mouth, no words couldn’t get out of it. He was used to being silent and everything because of his time with Shu yet Mika became one of his eye opener to act freely as he could whenever Shu is not around. He’s thankful of having someone as kind as Mika to adore him despite not being as beautiful as Shu describes him.

“M-Mika-chin..” Nazuna called him out and the younger male immediately looks at him, smiling “A..Are you okay?”

“Of course, Nazuna-nii!” Mika chirped, nodding at him yet Nazuna can sense that something’s not right at all.

“Tell me if s-something’s wrong, Mika-chin..” Nazuna said before smiling at him, “I-I’m willing t..to listen.”

“Thanks, Nazuna-nii. You don’t need to worry about me, yanno?” Mika stated as he patted his back, “I should be alright everytime, Nazuna-nii. I shouldn't be a burden to you and oshi-san!”

Nazuna wanted to tell him that he isn’t a burden at all but Shu has arrived and Mika was already on his way to greet their mentor. He wished that Mika is actually alright, the boy has been pushing himself too much.

The dreadful day is about to come and being worried is just an understatement, Tenshouin seems to be sketchy and he have this bad feeling that something bad might happen soon. But he knew that Valkyrie will be able to conquer anything at all, he knew that Valkyrie is the best. Yet Mika realized that his sickness is getting worse, there’s blood whenever he coughs out flowers and there was a time that a stem was a part of it.

Yet he was fascinated on how the flowers looks so beautiful that he kept one of them with him, cleaning it before putting it on his pocket. So he should do his best and stop being such a burden to anyone, especially to Nazuna.

But he knew what the consequences of his disease so he was gathering enough courage to confess, he wanted to try it, at least. He doesn’t have enough money for a surgery and he needs to work as hard as he could to be able to afford it so confessing it might be a good idea. It’s not like he doesn’t think or wish that Nazuna feels the same way towards him.

But not now. He’ll confess after their live against fine. For now, he’ll work hard to be able to perform just like how their mentor wants him to. For Shu. For Nazuna. For Valkyrie.

-

      THEIR live has turned into a tragedy, Mika's happy end is slowly getting out of his reach despite trying to hard to attain it. But they sang, for the first time, Mika and Nazuna along with Shu sang together. Their voices being in such a harmony that Mika wouldn’t get it out of his head until the day that he dies. Unfortunately, they lost against fine.

Valkyrie seems to collapse along with Shu’s pride and Mika just wanted to punch that blond tyrant taking over the throne that is supposed to be for Shu.. for his mentor only. Mika can’t help but worry for Shu a lot because he had been locking himself too much in his room. He hasn’t even went to school for days and Mika’s sickness is getting the best of him. It’s a good thing that he’s getting better on controlling his coughing fits and concealing his sickness towards others.

Going to school isn’t good at all, there are some students mocking him and his unit while there are others that kept on looking at him with pity. It’s making him really uncomfortable that he kept his head low, it’s a good thing that Naru-chan is there for him. He has been a good friend for Mika and he’s thankful enough to have him at his side.

He haven’t seen Nazuna for days too. He promised himself to confess at the upperclassman after their live so he can settle this feelings once and for all yet he was nowhere to be seen. So he tried asking Naru-chan about it but Naru-chan seems to be hesitant on answering his question.

“About Nito-senpai, there are rumors about him creating a new unit.” Naru-chan said as he looked at Mika, “Mika-chan, did he left your unit?”

“Nazuna-nii wouldn’t do that,” Mika replies with a grin, “Nazuna-nii wouldn’t leave Valkyrie. We’ll be together forever.”

“Mika-chan..” Naru-chan hugged him and he can hear his friend sigh, “You’re too kind.”

“You’re kind too, yanno?” Mika said as he hugged him back, “But I really want to see Nazuna-nii right now, I must tell him something so if you know where he is, tell me!”

“Okay, Mika-chin~”

But he hasn’t even seen the upperclassman for the whole day, so he went home but before that, he made sure to buy Shu's favorite croissant. Yet when he's about to enter the room, he saw his mentor gripping on a piece of paper.

“Oshi-san, I'm home.” he announced as he went inside, “What's happening?”

“N-Nito.. my beautiful Nito..” Shu's hand kept on shaking as tears kept on spiling on his eyes.

“What’s with Nazuna-nii, oshi-san?” Mika asked, blinking his eyes as he looked at his mentor, “Please don’t cry, oshi-san.”

“H..Here.” Shu handed him the paper and Mika can feel how his mentor kept on shaking too much. Whatever the content of this paper is, it made his mentor upset.

“What is this—”

Mika’s mother told him about a certain scenario that would make him feel like time stopped and this is probably one of it, Mika seems to forget how to breathe as he continued looking at the paper. He wanted to think of this as a joke, there was no way that something like this could happen.

There’s no way that Nazuna would leave Valkyrie.

“He’s gone.. Valkyrie has collapsed.” Shu stated, looking down at the floor, “Y-You should leave too.”

“I w-wouldn’t, oshi-san!” Mika declared, clenching his hands.

“We’ve already lost, Kagehira.”

“But that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t continue Valkyrie! With or without Nazuna-nii, we can still get up on our feet and continue our legacy until we can reach the top again!” Mika said, trying his best not to cry and to be strong for both of them, “I won’t leave you, oshi-san! I will stay with you until the end, we’ll be able to be back again! Valkyrie will rise from the ground and w-we’ll make sure to be at the top!”

“Kagehira..”

“I-I will work harder and make sure that I’ll be worthy to perform beside you, oshi-san.. I-I..” Yet he couldn’t control himself and wailed, “I will stay in Valkyrie!”

“Kagehira, don’t cry!” Shu scolded him, he recently stopped crying and now, he’s witnessing his co-member crying.

“But this is so sad!” Mika cried, trying to wipe his tears with both of the end of his sleeves but the tears kept on falling.

“Kagehira! Seriously, you failure!” Shu sighed in defeat.

Shu went beside his underclassman and embraced him, patting his head as he let Mika cry until he falls asleep. Shu sighed as continued embracing him, holding him tight in fear that this one might abandon him too. He should be strong for both of them, now that Nito isn’t with them, he should be strong for Kagehira in krder to continue Valkyrie. But recovering from such impact would take a long time.

He will come back. Valkyrie will come back.

-

     ARRIVING in school the next day seems to tire him out, even Naru-chan noticed how he looked sickly rather than the usual. He looked gloomier than the usual and told Naru-chan about Nazuna’s resignation from Valkyrie and Mika was suddenly hugged by Naru-chan.

“It must've been tough..”

“It’s alright, Naru-chan. As long as oshi-san and I’m here, Valkyrie wouldn’t disband.” Mika stated as he assured the older one that he’ll be alright..

Yet the news still kept him broken, he still couldn’t believe that Nazuna will leave them. There must’ve been a reason why, as long as he didn’t left them for other people then it’s probably alright. He wanted to understand because he couldn’t control his emotions right now and it’s bad for his health.

He wants to see Nazuna. He wants to talk to him about it and clarify everything. He wants to confess.

“Naru-chan, do you know where Nazuna-nii is?” Mika asked his friend as he kept on fidgeting, “I just wanted to ask him something.”

“Well, he’s either in his class or probably at the Broadcasting Committee.” Naru-chan replies, smiling at Mika as they pat his head “You deserve to know the reason why he left, maybe there’s something important about it.”

“I guess so..” Mika mutters before looking at Naru-chan, “Thank you.”

“Go get him, tiger!” Naru-chan cheered him as he sprinted out of their class.

The neverending mutters about him and Valkyrie never stops yet it seems that everything has been blocked for Mika, his attention is only focused on Nazuna and his whereabouts. He tried looking on his classroom and on the Broadcasting Committee but to no avail, he wasn’t able to seek his upperclassman until he was in the practice rooms, he heard some kind of soothing melody and he followed the direction where it was playing.

His breath seems to caught by something and he forgot to breathe once again, in front of him was Nazuna along with three first-years as they were dancing and singing together. Mika couldn’t tear his eyes off on Nazuna and how bright his smile is, he felt like something broke inside him. He never saw him smile like that—he looks so free and happy.

Nazuna wasn’t like that when he was in Valkyrie.

There are thoughts haunting him right now and it’s dragging him down too much. There must've been something wrong, it’s probably his fault. Valkyrie couldn’t make Nazuna happy, he couldn’t make him happy.

But Valkyrie has been the best, right? Sure enough, Shu’s harsh training can be overbearing at times but he only wanted the best for them. Nothing’s wrong with Valkyrie, it’s Nazuna that is not contented on staying with them. Nazuna hates Valkyrie to the point of leaving them just to make an another unit.

Mika couldn’t take it. He stepped backwards but in all of the sudden, dizziness hits him and he fell to the floor, getting their attention. He couldn’t breathe properly and he's in a bad condition, he can cough out flowers anytime and he should be running out of this place already but he’s frozen on where he’s currently is.

“Mika-chin?” He couldn’t bear looking at Nazuna by this close, it makes his heart pounding too loud yet all he can see is red.

“Heh, so you're playing mentor now? Do you really hate oshi-san that much to show off that you can be better than him?” He wanted to talk to Nazuna properly but he couldn’t control his anger, he felt betrayed by the person he loves the most.

“Mika-chin, that’s not..” As Nazuna tried to hold him, he immediately swat his hand away from him, crawling backwards as he glare at the third-year.

“Don’t touch me!” he cried out, shivering in anger as he looked at Nazuna with rage shown in his heterochromatic eyes.

“Mika-chin, please hear me out.” Nazuna tried to reason out yet Mika doesn’t let him, he's too weak to deal with it.

“I hate you..” Mika said as he started to pant, feeling the flowers trying to reach his throat as his fists clenched in pain “I hate you. I’ll never forgive you..”

“Mika-chin, please!”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!” Mika shrieked as he stood up, legs wobbling because of the dizziness, “I won’t forgive you! I’ll hate you! I’ll hate you until the end! Just wait, Valkyrie will crush that stupid unit of yours! I’ll never forgive you..”

“Mika-chin! Don’t involve them in this!” Nazuna cried out, he can’t help but feel bad yet he’s also worried because Mika looked so pale and he kept on trying to catch his breath “This is our problem and I’m willing to talk about it so please listen to me, Mika-chin.”

“Heh, what’s the point? Your words won’t fool me anymore, yanno?” Mika stated as he turned his back at Nazuna, “You left us.. just for this. I shouldn’t have trusted you, Nazuna-nii. I shouldn’t have listened to your voice at all, they weren’t lovely anymore, they’re hideous to my ears now. I hate you.”

“Please don’t say that, Mika-chin..” Nazuna wanted to hold the black-haired male as he tried reaching him out.

“Just as I expected, oshi-san is the only one that I’ve had. You’ll just throw me away for someone that’s better, Nazuna-nii.” Nazuna can hear the quiet sobs from the younger one and just when he’s about to launch himself to hug him, Mika already ran away.

Mika can’t stop the tears spilling from his eyes as he tried getting in the nearest restroom where he ended up throwing up flowers again but the sight of too much blood terrifies him, the pink flowers looked pretty though. Mika stared at it as he smiled bitterly, he fell for someone that just abandoned him. After all the suffering that he had been through, this is its final outcome.

His love wouldn’t be reciprocated at all.

-

     HE’S doing his best on avoiding Nazuna at all and he can feel that his classmates sympathizes him so whenever Nazuna tries to talk to him, one would block the way and make him leave. Naru-chan didn’t leave him alone as Mika kept on clinging to him, ignoring Nazuna’s presence.

Nazuna is trying his best to reach out on him but Mika wouldn’t let him, he’s already aware that Nazuna only pitied him. Despite saying how much he hates him and threatening his unit, Nazuna never fails to sympathize with him and he hates it. He hates how Nazuna is kind enough to even bat an eye on him, he hates how he can still smile so genuinely at him even when Mika almost cursed his existence, he hates how Nazuna can make him fall for him again and again.

He’s so desperate on getting the surgery that he had been taking too much part-time jobs just to earn some money for that pricey surgery, he wanted to get this damn sickness out of his system. He wouldn’t be able to function as a perfect doll for Shu if he’ll be weak like this.

He wanted to try again and reconcile with Nazuna though, he wanted to hear him out but there’s a side of him that wants him out of his life. But whenever he sees Shu locked up inside his room, talking to Mado-nee, he can’t help but continue on hating Nazuna. Oshi-san has been broken because of Nazuna, he’s an essential piece to Valkyrie and he’s fully aware of it yet he left. He broke Valkyrie, both Shu and Mika. He broke them and took away a fragment of them, leaving them in such a pitiful state.

So he kept his attention to his jobs, barely even eating or sleeping because all of the things that he consumes was being cough out whenever the flowers crawls up to his throat. It hurts. Everytime that he breathes, he can feel it and how it stabbed his lungs.

Everyone started to become worried of the black-haired male, everybody noticed how he looked so pale and his eyes doesn’t shine that much. Everyone noticed how he frequently goes into the restroom and Naru-chan started expecting that he’s sick. He wanted to know what’s happening on his close friend, he couldn’t help but feel bad because of Mika’s current state. But he won’t push Mika about it  he’ll wait for him to say it so he can do something for the boy.

And unfortunately, one of Mika’s worst nightmare came true. He couldn’t hide his sickness to anyone that much and he was so unlucky to cough out flowers in front of his bestfriend, he saw a glimpse of Naru-chan’s horrified expression and he wanted to assure him that he’s okay but he couldn’t stop coughing, letting those pink flowers out of him as his legs gave out, making him kneel on the ground.

“Mika-chin!” Unfortunately, it seems that Naru-chan isn’t the only one that saw this horrifying scene.

And as he tried looking at the blond upperclassman, his vision started to blur and everything turned black.

-

     WAKING up in the infirmary was something that Mika didn’t expect but the first one that he saw was Shu beside him, holding his hand really tight and he can’t help but smile at the unusual affection.

“O..Oshi-san.” His voice was too hoarse because of coughing too much, it made him worry about his vocals.

“Kagehira, y-you’re awake.” Shu seems to be surprised as his eyes widened and an unusual expression was seen on his face.

“And you finally went to school..” Mika replied, grinning at him.

“Why wouldn’t I?! I’ve heard about my broken doll malfunctioning so I immediately do a maintenance on him!” Shu exclaimed, frowning at the younger male before his expression softened “However, this is something that I couldn’t fix.”

“Oshi-san..” Mika entwined both of their fingers as he grinned wider, “I’m fine.”

“Enough with that, Kagehira!” The pink-haired male hissed as Mika noticed those faint blush on his cheeks for getting embarassed “This isn’t something that you could just joke about. You’re dying.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you like that?! Shouldn’t you be confessing to that damned creature that caused you that pain?”

Mika wanted to laugh, Shu wouldn't take it if he knew that Nazuna was the one he's calling a 'damned creature' “It’s hopeless, oshi-san.”

“You’ve got rejected, eh?” Shu asks, brows furrowing as he held Mika’s hand tighter “That imbecile doesn’t deserve you then.”

“Don’t worry, oshi-san. I won’t let this sickness kill me.. I.. I’m saving up for an operation on getting it out, yanno? I’m almost there so ya calm down,” Mika assured him as he grins, “So rest assured that I’ll be okay, oshi-san.”

“Y..You..” Shu sighed as he stood, ruffling Mika’s hair as he looked away and said in a soft voice, “You don’t deserve that.”

“Oshi-san..” Mika wanted to ask for comfort but he knew how mentally unstable Shu is so he kept his grin “Oshi-san can be so affectionate~ Ah~”

“Shut it, Kagehira!” Shu hissed before looking at the frail boy on the bed for the last time, “I-I’ll be going to the club room for a while, that one Knights member wants to talk to you so I’ll be sending myself off.”

“Okay, oshi-san~” Mika looked down as the older male started walking, “Thank you.”

He shouldn’t be a burden to Shu yet here he is, causing misfortune for their unit. And the fact that his bestfriend and mentor knew about this disease, he knew that he should be considering the surgery right now. But he doesn’t have enough money yet, he’ll work hard to earn it as soon as possible. But he knew that once the school knows about it, they might lessen the jobs that is offered to him.

Mika kept on thinking about it until he can feel a pair of arms wrapped around him and as the black-haired male looked up, he saw Naru-chan and he can’t help himself but look away. This is probably one of the worst expression that Naru-chan can show to him, he looks so scared and worried.

“Naru-chan?”

“Mika-chan, I’m so worried..” Naru-chan couldn’t restrain the tears anymore and let itself fall from their eyes, “I was so scared on the moment that you’ve been coughing out flowers and blood. I thought..”

“’m okay now, Naru-chan.” Mika tried to calm her down but he flinched when he saw how they glared at him.

“You are absolutely not okay!” Naru-chan snapped, hitting the wall with his clenched fist.

“C-Calm down, Naru-chan!”

“How? How, Mika-chan?! You’re having that horrifying disease and you could die anytime!” Naru-chan looked so lost as the tears kept on spilling.

“Please don’t cry for me, Naru-chan. You’re staining yer pretty face,” Mika stated as he tried reaching out to wipe their tears but the sudden intrusion of  the flowers on his throat caught him off-guard and he let himself cough it out, feeling the itch inside his throat that he wanted to scratch.

“Mika-chan!”

“’m fine.. just stay..” Mika tried to say but the flowers won’t let him clarify himself too much.

So Naru-chan stayed, holding Mika’s hand as the younger male cough everything that he could before slumping on the bed as he catch his breath while laying down on the flowers. The sight horrifies Naru-chan and they wouldn’t be able to sleep for the whole night, them beloved friend was slowly slipping away from them. It reminded them of that incident and they held his hand tighter, they don’t want to let go because maybe if they do, this might be the last time that they’ll be able to look at Mika.

“Sorry, Naru-chan.” Mika sheepishly replied as he chuckled, voice barely audible.

“Mika-chan, who is it?” Naru-chan sat on the chair beside him as they looked at their bestfriend.

“Please don’t tell anyone ‘bout it, Naru-chan.. even oshi-san doesn’t know ‘bout that.” Mika looks away as a faint smile was seen on his face, “Nazuna-nii.”

“It's Nito-senpai?! Then why won’t you confess?!”

“It’s hopeless, Naru-chan.” Mika stated as he grippes the sheets, “Besides, he’s happy playing mentor on those first-years.”

“Hush, don’t say that. Nito-senpai probably had a reason to leave and take care of those three, he knew how hard it is to survive in Yumenosaki. He knew the dark side of all the glimmer and glamour of being an idol so he probably couldn’t leave them until they’re strong enough to face defeat and treat it as a lesson to a stronger unit.” Naru-chan tried explaining as they held both of Mika's hands, noticing how Mika became smaller and it hurts “Mika-chan, there are things that happen because they’re meant to be.”

“So you’re telling me that Valkyrie is meant to be dethroned and despised by everyone? So me having this useless disease is meant to be?!” Mika asked, gritting his teeth in annoyance as he looked straight in Naru-chan's eye level “Is that what’s supposed to happen?”

“Mika-chan, no!” They tried to comfort the younger male and persuade him on confessing yet Mika still felt betrayed by the upperclassman “What I'm saying is that Nito-senpai probably left because he wanted to be better.”

“Valkyrie is the place to be.” Mika mutters, gripping the sheets tighter as he glared at it “That's what I’m going to believe until I die.”

“Stop being so stubborn, Mika-chan! Not everything revolves in Valkyrie!” Naru-chan couldn't take it any longer and snapped, he can't take it when Mika thinks of Valkyrie like his reason to live.

“Yes, it is!” Mika screamed, “Do you know how it feels to be thrown away ever since you were born? Thrown away by your friends because yer weird? Thrown away by almost everyone because I am not as good as you or anyone that’s better than me?! Do you know how it feels to be thrown away by the person you love for something that is way better than you? Because I do! That’s what I’ve been going through with all my life, Naru-chan!”

“But—”

“But you know what? Valkyrie gave me a place to stay, when Oshi-san reached his hand out to me- I felt like it was a dream. I can’t even believe that someone would accept me at all because all my life, I’ve been thrown away in a corner for something that's better!” Mika added, letting the tears spill from his eyes, “And it happened again, Naru-chan. Nazuna-nii.. I trusted him. He was so special to me, yanno? But what have he done? He even left without saying goodbye, just a piece of paper as a resignation form sent to Oshi-san on the moment that he needed us the most!”

“Mika-chan.”

“I don't know anymore. But what I know is that I’m done with this! I will stay beside oshi-san and no one is going to prevent this,” Mika firmly stated as he dried his tears, “Naru-chan, I’m sorry but I won’t confess.”

“I respect your decision, Mika-chan. Sorry for suggesting it to you but I just want to let you know that you’re a special person in my life, someone that I want to protect and love.” Naru-chan said as he wrapped his arms around Mika once again, rubbing his back “You've been through a lot, Mika-chan. I'm so proud of you, you’re such a strong person. You've worked hard, my star.”

“Naru-chan, I'm sorry..”

“But please, promise me one thing. Okay, Mika-chan?” Naru-chan’s voice seems to be shaky and it’s making Mika feel sad for making Naru-chan like this.

“Okay, Naru-chan. What is it?”

“Promise me that you won’t die. Promise me that you won’t leave me just like that.” Mika can feel how his friend was trembling and he immediately embraced the blond person in front of him, “I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to leave me and disappear just like that. Please... live, Mika-chan.”

“Naru-chan..”

 

Yet he couldn’t give an answer and let his friend cry their heart out as he silently comforts them, knowing what they had been through. They’re petrified of losing an another important person in their life. And Mika can’t just let Oshi-san and Naru-chan grieve for him, he should continue living for both of them.

That’s it. He’s going to get that surgery as soon as possible. Love doesn’t matter if the other ones that he cherishes kept on weeping such sad tears for him.

-

     UNFORTUNATELY, the school administration found out about his sickness and his part-time jobs lessened as they discussed what’s the most efficient solution for this problem— in which they’ve decided to offer Mika the surgery on getting his sickness out of him.

The only ones that knew about it other than the school administration are Shu and Arashi which was also a part of that discussion, Arashi is against the surgery and tried to imply that they can still persuade Mika’s beloved one. Shu was about to agree with him but the school administration have made up their mind, thinking that this is the most efficient way on dealing situations like this.

 

  
“Kagehira, are you even sure about that?” Shu asked, trying to pursue Mika on trying to get his beloved one.

Mika nodded, “There’s no other way, Oshi-san.”

“Are you even sure that the one you love doesn’t reciprocate your feelings?” the pink-haired male can’t calm down as he kept on frowning which made Mika thought that he was mad at him.

“I'm aware of it,” Mika stated in a firm tone, looking away on Shu as he clenched his fist “That person threw me away just like everyone else, except you and Naru-chan.”

“Kagehira, I’ll ask you one more time so look at me and answer with the one coming from your heart— not your mind. You know how I hate lying,” Shu held his shoulders as the raven-haired male slowly met his gaze, making him worried because the bright gold and azure orbs looked too dull- making Mika look like one of his marionette “Are you alright on throwing away your feelings just like that?”

Mika stared back at Shu’s purple eyes and without hesitation, he nodded “Yes, Oshi-san.”

“I guess that it can’t be helped,” Shu sighed, shaking his head in dismay “Just to let you know that I’m here along with that Knights kid so don’t let it get to you that much.”

“Okay, Oshi-san!” Mika chirps yet it wasn’t the usual.

  
What Shu’s seeing right now makes him feel unpleasant emotions, he wanted Kagehira to become a perfect doll just like his marionettes. However, he isn't fond of this one. Mika looked like one of his marionette now yet the way the raven-haired male looked so lifeless irked him. It’s mocking him about his creation making him dismayed. He liked the old Mika better despite his weird accent and energetic self because that’s the kind of marionette that Mika is.

  
But the younger male already sealed his fate in such a tragic one and despite being his Mentor, he can nothing to do nothing about that. There are times that he wouldn’t be able to control Mika with his strings especially now that he's aware how defected it is. He didn’t even know that someone can escape from these—like how Nazuna did.

  
“Kagehira?”

“Yes, Oshi-san?”

“I hope you’re happy with your decision..”

“I will.”

“Liar.”

“Ehehe. You knew it, Oshi-san. But why bother askin’ me about it?”

“Seriously!”

  
-

      DAYS had passed since Mika wasn’t attending on their class, Akiomi and Sagami saying that the raven-haired boy was ill and had to be bedridden. Of course, they wouldn’t let the students visit him aside from Arashi and Shu. Meanwhile, Nazuna can’t help but worry for the younger male and the horrifying sight from that day.

Mika was coughing out flowers. There are stems and blood with it, he can see how Mika was struggling and how the tears kept on spilling from his eyes. He wanted to hold him but Arashi already took the younger male to the infirmary before he could even hold him. He can’t help but wonder, who is the one that Mika loves so much that doesn’t even reciprocate his feelings?

Who doesn’t love someone as precious as Kagehira Mika? With his cute accent? His love for cute and horrifying stuff? His fluffy hair? His bi-colored eyes? Who wouldn’t?

Because Nazuna, himself, loves the younger boy so much. He loves him so much that he wants to drag him out of that delusion of his- that everything revolves in Valkyrie.

He can see so much potential in the younger male that he can show if he belongs to an another unit, like Knights or most likely, in Ra*bits. Yet his undying devotion to Shu blocks all of the opportunities for Nazuna to wake him up on his neverending dream. It’s not like he wanted to steal Mika from Shu, both of them are precious to him yet Mika doesn’t deserve to become a mindless puppet. He deserves so much better.

He deserves to be loved. And Nazuna can express it to him, he’ll even scream it out to the whole world. He wanted to see Mika smiling like he deserves to live happily and free.

 

  
“Nii-chan, are you alright?” He was cut off from his thoughts when he heard one of his boys asking him.

He looked at Mitsuru and smiled sheepishly as he chuckled, “Sorry, Mitsuru-chin. Nii-chan was just thinking of something.”

“Is it that senpai with different eye colors?” Mitsuru asked and gasped when Nazuna blushed, “It is him!”

“Mitsuru, don’t tease nii-chan like that.” Tomoya said, crossing his arms.

“Nii-chan’s blushing!” Mitsuru exclaims and Tomoya can't help but sigh at his co-member “Do you like him, nii-chan? As in like? Like.. how you like someone as they are but in a romantic way?”

“Oi, stop prying into someone else's business!” Tomoya scolded the brown-haired male once again.

“Well..” Nazuna scratched his cheek as he nervously looked away, pink tint was seen on his cheeks “Yes, I do. Nii-chan likes Mika-chin just like that.”

 

 

Nazuna remembered the pink flowers that Mika had been coughing out and realized that they’re pink camellias. It means that whoever is the one that Mika loves, Mika felt like he was longing for that person. He can’t help but wonder, is there something that Mika is willing to wait for that person and at the same time, longing for that lucky one.

 

Nazuna wished that it was him, instead.

 

“But didn’t that boy said that he hates you?” Hajime asks, looking worriedly at Nazuna “Nii-chan, did he really hate you?”

“Mika-chin is a kind person, he can’t hate someone. Dislike, probably.. since that’s what he’s feeling towards Tenshouin-kun but Mika-chin wouldn’t hate someone.” Nazuna assured the younger ones as he smiles, “He’s a lovely person that tries his best for everyone that he cherish but he always felt like he’s not worthy of any kind of love and praise. I just want him to feel loved and happy.”

“Nii-chan.. wow.” Tomoya gasped as he smiled, “Won’t you confess to him, then?”

“I will. But now isn’t the right time, Tomoya-chin.” Nazuna stated, looking at the younger male “We’re still recovering from what happened and I still need to train you so I’ll be setting it aside. I want him to heal his wounds for a while and.. he seems to be sick so I’ll wait for him to get better.”

“Nii-chan?” Mitsuru called him again and when he looked at the brown-haired male, Mitsuru grinned “I wished for both of you and Mika-senpai’s happiness.”

Nazuna smiles, “Thank you, Mitsuru-chin.”

 

  
These three might be brats but they knew what’s the best for their leader, they’re as thankful as Nazuna for finding them and giving them an another home in which they’ll be able to become a better person. And just like how Nazuna wanted the best for them  they also wished for the same towards him.

  
Their chat was interrupted when the door opened and Nazuna noticed that it was Mika’s classmate from Knights, Narukami Arashi. They looked like they’re currently in a disraught and he stood up as he approached the blond.

 

“Hello there. What can I help you?” Nazuna asked.

“Nito-senpai, can I have a moment with you?” Arashi asked, still trying to catch his breath “This will be really fast. I promise.”

“Okay.” Nazuna said as he looked at his bandmates and smiles, “I’ll be out for a bit.”

The moment that they're out of the practice room, Arashi faced the blond upperclassman with such a serious expression seen on their face “Nito-senpai, I'd like to ask you something. Please tell me the truth, senpai.”

“U-Uh. What is it?”

“Do you like Mika-chan?” Arashi asked, looking at him with such a scary expression.

“E-e-eh?!” Nazuna can’t help but panic because of the embarassment and also because Arashi looked scary.

  
“Nito-senpai, please!”

“A-Alwight! I w..wike Mika-chin!” Nazuna can't help but stutter and his lisp got the best of him.

“What?”

“I.. I said that I like Mika-chin!” Nazuna exclaimed as he shut his eyes, blushing furiously “I like him!”

“Oh my god.” Arashi gasped as he covered his mouth “Really?”

“Yes! I like him! I like him so much that I wanted him to keep on smiling because he deserves to be happy and just seeing it makes my heartbeat go faster!” Nazuna added.

“Oh my god. Mika-chan is such an idiot.” Arashi muttered as they facepalm.

“Huh?”

“Nito-senpai!” Arashi looked at him again with that scary expression that made him flinch.

“Y-Yes?!”

“Please visit Mika as soon as possible!” Arashi stated as he took out a paper with an address to it, “This is the address of the hospital that he’s in. He’s in room 515 so please visit him and confess your love to him!”

“W-Why?!” Nazuna asked.

“Trust me, Nito-senpai. You need to reconcile with Mika-chan as soon as possible and chances like this shouldn’t be ignored.” Arashi held Nazuna's hands as they kneeled.

“H-Hey! What are you doing?!” Nazuna screeched.

“I'm begging you, Nito-senpai. If you like him then go to him right now,” Arashi said as they looked down, “Please. I don’t want to lose him too.”

 

 

  
Nazuna can’t help but nod and Arashi immediately smiled at him, he ran immediately in the practice room to take his wallet and excused himself to the first-years which was eavesdropping the whole time, cheering their big brother on his 'quest'.

 

  
Nazuna can’t understand why he’s so nervous by what Arashi just said but it involves Mika and he would be there for the raven-haired male in a heartbeat. Even the ride towards the hospital makes him so nervous and he can’t help but think of a way on how he should confess to the underclassman.

  
‘Mika-chin, you’re as lovely as the flowers’ but that would mock his sickness

‘Mika-chin, you’re too adorable and I like you so much.’ Mika would probably rant about how unattractive he is and it'll end up on them debating if Mika's attractive or not.

 

  
Yet when he arrived at the hospital, every step seems heavier than the usual. And when he was about to turn to the corridor where Mika's room is, he isn’t expecting Shu to be outside. The pink-haired male was leaning on the wall, Mademoiselle on his arms and he seems to be in a conversation with it. Shu seems to notice him and the taller male gasped as his eyes widened, looking like a deer in the headlights.

 

“Osh.. Itsuki-kun,” he said and smiled at him.

“Nito.” Shu gasped as he looked around, “How did you know..?”

“Ara-chin told me,” he replied as he looked at the door in front of them, “He’s there, right?”

“Yes, he is.” Shu replied, “Kagehira..”

“I’ll talk to him for a while, Itsuki-kun.” Nazuna said as he walked towards the door before glancing on Shu for the last time, “It was nice seeing you again, Itsuki-kun.”

 

 

 

Nazuna stared at the doorknob and took a very deep breath before opeming the door. Aside from the white walls surrounding whole room, Nazuna saw the one he’s looking for, looking as ethereal as he is yet there's something wrong. Something’s telling him that something isn’t right with Mika right now. When he closed the door, the raven-haired noticed his presence and he lets out a nervous smile.

 

“Mika-chin..”

“What are you doing here, traitor?” Mika’s voice was too hoarse right now yet those words dripped like venom from his mouth.

“Mika-chin, I have something to tell you!” he exclaimed.

“Yer aware that I won’t listen to ya anymore, yanno?”

Nazuna clenched his fists, “Mika-chin, please!”

“Yer a traitor! You betrayed us!” Mika exclaimed, gripping the sheets really tight.

“Mika-chin, I like you!” Nazuna screamed, closing his eyes shut.

“Shut u— what?” Mika widened his eyes in surprise.

“I like you, Mika-chin! I-I’ve been wanting to confess for a long time but I've just gathered enough courage right now!” Nazuna confessed, opening his eyes slowly as he smiled “You’re the first one that accepted me for who I am, you were there for me with that bright smile of yours. You didn’t leave me or even looked at me with disgust whenever I make mistakes. Y..You saved me.”

“Mika-chin. I want you to know that there’s someone out there adoring you for being just the way you are,” Nazuna added.

 

  
Mika went silent for a while, looking at Nazuna and the blond male felt nervous. A few seconds, Mika lets out a hoarse laugh that made him flinch. Nazuna wanted to ask why he’s laughing but Mika just kept on laughing it out until he’s tired of laughing at all.

 

“M-Mika-chin?”

“Too late.” Mika said as he adjusted his hospital gown, showing Nazuna a scar on his chest “Yer too late for that.”

“What?” Nazuna couldn’t breathe, he felt intense fear from the way that Mika talks.

“Nazuna-nii, I loved you.” Mika said as he grinned, tears dripping out of his eyes “But now.. I can’t feel anything but hatred just by looking at you. My love for you was taken away just like how you were taken away from Valkyrie.”

“No way..” Nazuna’s knees gave out and he fell to the floor, feeling a lot of unpleasant emotions at this moment.

“It’s too late, Nazuna-nii.”

 

  
Mika loved him. Loved.

**Author's Note:**

> screech w/ me in twt: @_hyriette


End file.
